This article originally appeared in American Funeral Director.
As funeral
directors, we help families during some of the hardest days of their lives. We
do everything we can to make the funeral services as unique and special as the
lives they are celebrating. We help them plan every detail of the service from
the casket and burial vault to the flowers and music.
But you and
I know that our job is so much more than keeping track of the details. Our real
job is to help lead families down the path of healthy healing. We provide families
with the tools necessary to help them grieve. And permanent memorialization is a
vital part of the healing process. Even if your funeral home isn’t part of a
combo, it’s still imperative to encourage families to memorialize.
I’d imagine
your funeral home offers online tributes for the families you serve. It is a
great tool for people locally and across the country to interact with the
grieving family and feel connected. But is that really memorialization? Leaving
kind, caring words on a website can be comforting at the time of need, but the
online tribute page is temporary. Even a stack of print outs from the website
will eventually fade, be stored in a closet or even accidentally be thrown away.
Only a permanent memorial preserves a legacy for generations to come and marks
a special place for friends and family to continue to gather to share special
memories.
Most of the
time, when a family thinks about places to leave a loved one’s legacy, they
start with the cemetery. But, the cemetery isn’t the only place families can
memorialize a loved one, especially for those who chose cremation. For
instance, a loved one’s cremated remains can be placed in a memorial rock and
displayed in a beautiful garden in the family’s backyard. A family could also have
a memorial cremation bench designed to be placed under a tree in a local park.
What if the
family insists on scattering? I won’t spend time explaining why scattering is
less than ideal. If they can’t be swayed, it’s our job, as funeral
professionals, to strongly encourage them to include a place of
memorialization. It could be an engraved brick on a path at a local school, a
bird bath in a community garden or a plaque on a memorial wall in a cemetery.
What’s most important is that there is a permanent, public place for people to
gather to remember.
When a
family is grieving, the last thing on their mind is genealogical research. But
it’s up to us to remind them that their loved one’s memorial will have an
important impact on future generations. By creating a permanent memorial in a
cemetery or a special place of the family’s choosing, they help future family
members learn about and honor their ancestors.
Cemeteries
are a snapshot of the community’s historical timeline. They are a proud and
permanent museum for those who came before us. Much like public records,
memorials in a cemetery serve as an important way to track the life of a
family, or many families across an entire generation.
If I still
have your attention and you are still reading, then you must somewhat agree
with me. As a funeral professional, emphasizing permanent memorialization is another
component in the way we care for the families we serve. It not only helps the
healing process, but it also provides families a place to visit and to share
memories for years to come. So add one more thing to the list of details and help
the families you serve tell the story of their loved ones’ lives.
Rich Darby is Chief Operating Officer for Trigard and Trigard Memorials.
He earned his funeral director license from Southern Illinois University in
1987, and is licensed in Illinois, Indiana and Arizona. His family owns and
operates Trigard, Trigard Memorials, Hall of Fame Plaques and Signs, a memorial
park and seven funeral homes across Illinois, Indiana and Arizona. Email him at
RichD@trigard.com.
